


What Dreams Are Made Of

by Destielismylove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Frottage, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Minor Character Death, Self-Harm, Sleep Sex, Slow Build, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2161152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destielismylove/pseuds/Destielismylove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is having dreams and he doesn't know how to deal with them without a little help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> WIP! This will be continued. It may be at a slow pace due to other things happening in real life, but this will be continued! So either way, enjoy!
> 
> I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.
> 
> Also, on tumblr I am known as Destielismylove! Make sure to check me out!

The fighting was done, it was over. Blood caked onto Dean’s skin, drying in the bright sun as sweat mingled and trailed into the cuts that littered his body. Sam was breathing just as quickly, his breath huffing into the silence surrounding them. His eyes scanned over his brother, trying to distinguish his own wounds underneath the thick covering of blood. Sam noticed his brother’s worried look and did a quick check over himself and when none of his injuries were too sever, he shook his head at his brother, letting the slight worry remove itself from his features.

That is, until Dean locked into place, fear overriding his system when he looked around, eyes darting across the field of bodies. Angels lay among hunters, burnt wings engraved over the ground and the dead bodies; the smell that hung in the air was one of death and sulfur. Few others stood around, hunter, demons and angels alike look around at the chaos that they had created. Dean darted around, maneuvering between lifeless bodies, shoes sloshing in the wet grass, checking all around to see if he could find that one face in the crowd that Dean would know almost as well as Sam’s.

The last time Dean had seen Cas, he had been fighting through most of heavens hosts to make his way to Metatron, his entire focus on the angel that had taken his grace. Dean rushed past the remaining people, fear rushing through him and propelling him through the crowd, worry overwhelming him for his angel. He heard white noise rushing through his ears, but behind the annoying sound, he could hear someone yelling Cas’ name, and only then realized that he was the one doing so.

Sam looked after his brother, seeing him rush across the field, looking for the angel and hearing him practically crying out in anguish when he had trouble finding him. Sam began to help him look, the death all around him making him slow to find his friends, all the while Dean’s calls echoed in the background. He found a few faces he recognized, a few angels here, Abaddon’s fiery red hair turned bloody from the large injuries she had sustained. He found Garth, throat cut in a wide arc, a macabre picture of his own ever-present smile. Jody Mills lay on the field as well, pyramid shaped stabs littered her chest and he could see a book sticking out of her jacket. Sam leaned over to pick it up, only to see worn leather that he had looked at only a few times before, but when he opened the cover and saw Bobby’s name scrawled on the first page and the golden edges tinted red, he shoved the Bible into his own jacket, making sure to have something to hold onto from the woman that he had only met a few times before, but had already formed a connection with her. Other hunter’s bodies covered the ground, gunshot wounds, stabs, cuts, burns made a picture of deathly beauty against the lively green of the grassy field.

By now, Sam couldn’t hear Dean any more, his eyes flicking up to look around, his eyes landing on the downtrodden shoulders of his brother, calling out his name before he went over to him, only to find him practically shaking above Cas’ body. Cuts littered the body of their friend, but the most prominent one was the cut right across his throat, the thin line proving that what they had set out to do was accomplished.

Dean dropped to his knees, silent tears rolling down his face before he reached his hand out to take Castiel’s. His fingers gripped in desperation at the angel’s lifeless hand.

“Cas. Castiel, you had better not be dead. Fuck after everything, you cannot be dead! Not now.” Please. The sobs slowly started to leak out of Dean, tears falling onto the fabric of the trench coat. Sam couldn’t be sure but somewhere in there, he might have heard Dean say “Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead for me. Please.”

Sam’s eyes watered up as he felt pain for the loss of their friend, and only a small measure of the pain of what Dean was feeling for his loss of Cas. That is, until he noticed movement. He saw Cas’ chest rise slightly and Sam watched for another moment to make sure it was real. The trench coat fell slightly to the side with the movement of the angels’ chest.

He fell to the ground, pushing Dean’s hands out of the way to grab at his wrist and he felt a very weak pulse and gave out a small laugh of shock and smiled at his brother.

“Dean,” he said “Dean, he’s still alive. Barely, but she’s still alive” Sam handed over Cas’ wrist when Dean grabbed at it, feeling for himself the blood running under the other man’s skin. Dean laughed as he felt the flow, even as weak as it was, Cas was still alive. Tears still fell, but now they were happy tears at the thought that Cas had a chance for survival. He could feel Sam shaking him, saying something about getting Cas to a hospital and Dean blinked hard, trying to think through what to do until Sam started giving orders to get him to the Impala as fast as they could. Dean leaned down to pick up the limp body of Cas, carrying him bridal style as gently as he could while maneuvering through the pile of bodies that littered the ground, trying not to slip in the vast amounts of blood. When they made it to the car, dean called to Sam to drive, having his brother search through his pockets so that Dean wouldn’t have to jostle Cas around too much. Sam got the doors unlocked, Dean shrinking himself down to get into the backseat, resting Cas’ head on his lap, one hand still on the unconscious man’s wrist to make sure he could still feel the other man’s life under his skin.

Dean felt Cas’ pulse flutter under the skin, growing strong before almost puttering out and Dean’s heart nearly stopped. “Sam! Sam you need to hurry the fuck up right now! I’m losing him!” and Dean heard the accelerator rev, but he didn’t look away from the man in his lap, the look on his face worrying Dean. His free hand strayed to Castiel’s face, feeling the stubble-rough skin and letting his thumb trail over the other man’s mouth, feeling the slight puff of air that escaped from the other man. He pushed his hair out of the way, trying to smooth out the ever present sex hair. The hair was smoother than Dean had thought it would be, and found himself almost petting him while he looked upon the other man, taking the chance to look without those blue eyes looking right back. He wasn’t thinking much as to how this would look, but Sam could see the hope and longing on his brother’s face.

Before Dean knew it, Sam was pulling up to the hospital with the tires squealing and he opened the door for Dean to pull Cas out, still carrying him in a bridal style and making sure to tuck Cas’ head under his chin to hold him steady before he rushed through the doors and began yelling at the nurses for some help. They brought out a hospital bed and Dean tried to put Cas down as quickly and gently as he could and took hold of his hand. He ran with them as much as he could, before a nurse shoved him back and away from the Emergency Room entrance, and Dean could do nothing but stare at the closed doors that separated him from Cas. Dean almost jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see Sam looking at him with concern on his face. Dean relaxed slightly under his brothers’ care, allowing himself to be led to a sitting area and was given a terrible cup of coffee that gave him something to do with his hands.

Later he was given a clipboard to fill out Cas’ information. He didn’t know a lot of Jimmy’s information, but he wasn’t sure if anything would even affect Cas after his grace had been in Jimmy’s body. Most of it he just left blank, but when he came across the section of relation, Dean ad to stop and think for a moment. They probably wouldn’t let him in if he said that they were just friends, and they didn’t look quite close enough to be brothers like Sam and he did, and there was really only one other way he would be able to be with Cas. He erased the previous last name he had used, Novak, and instead wrote Winchester, the only name that would allow them to be together.

Dean took the notepad back up to the counter, and offered a small smile and a nod to the receptionist before taking a seat again and zoning out almost immediately, mind practically screaming in fear of the possibility that Cas wouldn’t make it, but his face was a mask of calm, not betraying his fears.

Several hours passed in a haze for Dean. He was either up and moving around anxiously or either shaking his leg in worry as each hour passed and they hadn’t heard anything of Cas, and Dean was getting more and more worried with each passing moment. A few more cups of coffee and a run to the nearest burger joint for Sam was how long it took before the doctor came out. Dean was up and out of his chair in seconds, rushing up to the doctor with questions poised on the tip of his tongue, but before he could say anything, the other man held up his hand for quiet and waited until Sam joined the two.

“So which one of you is Castiel Winchester’s husband?”

Sam almost wasn’t able to hide his shock, but years of hearing that ghosts and wendigo’s and demons were real had helped him produce a poker face that would fool anyone. Dean glanced over at Sam quickly before bringing his attention back to the doctor. “Uh, I am. I’m his husband” Dean said, looking around to see if anyone had heard.

“So to get started, he’s still unconscious, but he’s alive, but it was difficult to keep him there. He had quite a few injuries that looked like stab wounds that had to be taken care of, some internal bleeding, a few broken ribs and major bruising all over his body. We had to cut him out of his clothes so we weren’t able to save anything.” Dean had gotten more and more concerned as the doctor had listed each of Cas’ wounds and he couldn’t take it anymore before he had to ask “Can we go see him now?” The doctor looked towards Sam and said “Immediate family only” before he walked away, looking at his charts.

Dean looked at Sam, trying to hide how much he wanted to rush after Cas, but Sam could tell and he nodded off towards the other man’s room, saying something that Dean couldn’t catch, him being too far away to hear what he said. He had to ask around with some of the nurses, some of whom seemed very interest in him until he said he was looking for his husband, the word rolling off his tongue at this point, and finding Cas’ room after a few minutes.

He pushed through the door and heard the beeping from the monitors before he even saw the man lying on the bed. Dean slowly crept up to the edge of the bed, observing the man as he heard the ever hopeful beeps of the heart monitor. Cas looked peaceful, his features relaxed with the pain medication, the even rise and fall of the blankets helped give Dean some hope that Cas would make it. However, with all the wires and tubes that were attacked to the unconscious man, Dean couldn’t help but feel as though he needed to keep an eye on him, and with that, Dean pulled a chair over right next to the bed and sat down, watching the man. After making sure there was no one there, Dean slowly reached out his hand and took hold of Cas’ wrist and felt his pulse, stronger than before and still there. Now that he had made sure Cas was okay, practically all of his energy fell away and he had enough time to maneuver himself so he was lying on the bed. And if their hands were linked together, it was only before that was the most comfortable way for Dean to sleep.


	2. Is This Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas comes home... yay?

Cas woke up in a haze of pain, his vision blurry and ears roaring and he could feel pinpricks of pain everywhere and an underlying ache that amplified every time he so much as thought to move. He tried to move his hand to rub at his eyes to try and clear them, but when he couldn’t, he tried to blink away the fog to see what was inhibiting him from using his hand. When he was able to make something out, he could see light brown, spikey hair, a universe of freckles and a mouth open in his sleep. Cas looked around, tried to make out any indication of time or day besides the heavy bags under Dean’s eyes. He noticed some machines, with tubes hooked up to him, either giving him medicine or registering some indication that he was still alive, but nothing else looked familiar other than the man who was by his bed.

He heard a soft click and looked over toward the door and saw Sam there with two cups of coffee looking at him with wide eyes before quickly looking toward Dean to see him still asleep. Sam spoke in a soft whisper as he came over and set one coffee by the sleeping man and took a sip of his own.

“Man Cas is it good to see you. I mean, at least see you awake. You’ve been in a coma for almost a week now.”

Castiel’s eyes almost shot open. A week? That long? He looked towards Dean and in a broken whisper “So we did it? It’s over?” and his hand currently unoccupied rose up to feel at the scar on his neck, a reminder of what he had given up.

“Yeah we did it Cas. Angels are back in heaven where they should be.” Sam told him, his smile weary but his eyes happy with their outcome.\

Cas almost cried with how happy he was, but by now his energy was almost gone, the cloud of sleep falling over him slowly. Before that though, he felt Dean stir against his hand, and saw him look up at Cas, a smile instantly spreading across his face and a muffled “Cas” before the angel fell back under, his fingers squeezing at Dean’s hand.

It was another day or so before Cas came to for longer than a few minutes at a time. It was a little after that when Castiel came to a thought. Why was he still in the hospital? If all the angels returned, wouldn’t his grace have returned to him? He searched through himself, a small ball of energy resting inside him signaling that he still had a small amount of grace, the very fabric of his soul still there and that gave him hope, but the rest of him was human, but it wasn’t nearly as devastating as he thought it might have been. However, once he began to think it through, he got really worried. The last time he was human, Dean kicked him out of the bunker, given that was when Sam had Gadreel practically possessing him, but Castiel was scared that it would happen again. But right now, all he could do was set an emotional barrier against that thought and try and get better.

Dean was always there though, helping Cas to do whatever he needed, and when Dean wasn’t there, he always made sure that Sam was available in case Cas needed him. He was never alone which was a very good thing so that he wasn’t left alone with his thoughts. If ever there was a time when he never wanted to be by himself, it was now, when his thoughts and fears were strongest and would crush him with too much time.

His underlying grace helped heal him slowly, his cuts and bruises disappearing and leaving small scars, the one at his neck the most prominent and a constant reminder of what he gave up and what he’ll never be able to experience again. Soon enough, the doctors were sure that Cas was mostly okay, his ribs still sore but on their way and they were finally able to leave the hospital. Cas had to sign some release papers that he didn’t entirely understand, but he signed them like Dean had told him with his last name as Winchester instead of Novak. When they made it to the car, Cas made sure to ask about it.

“So why was my last name Winchester? Novak seems to work just as well.” Dean’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel before relaxing and merely saying “Only immediate family was allowed to visit.” Cas looked down to think about it before responding “Well, we maybe don’t look the most alike, but I do approve of your plan to have us portrayed as brothers.”

“Uh, Cas, that not exactly wha-“ Sam was cut off when Dean shot him a look, and after years of growing up with that face being the only one he saw, he knew he wouldn’t want to finish that sentence “-uh, never mind.” There was very stinted conversation after that. Lunch plans were the main talking point, but even that was mostly silence. Sam was thinking over Dean’s reaction to him almost telling Cas why they said his name was Winchester while Dean was thinking over the future with having Cas close all the time. Cas, however, was thinking over where he would go this time when Dean kicked him out. He wasn’t even sure if he could survive if Dean ever said anything like that again.

The silence was threatening to overwhelm by the time they pulled up to the bunker. Cas was tempted to leave his small rucksack of clothes and belongings in the trunk, but Dean traveled back and picked it up himself. Dean led the way through the bunker, motioning Cas to follow him while Sam trailed off to the kitchens to get some food, but to also give some privacy to the two men.

“So you pretty much know the layout of the bunker. However, I didn’t exactly get to show you the bedrooms. Sam picked one by the library, you know how he gets, but mine’s right here, so you have your pick of any of the rooms with an open door.” Dean explained readily, while Cas was confused why Dean was showing him the bedrooms if he was just going to kick him out.

Cas looked through his choices, each room pretty much the same, so there wasn’t too much to look at when each room looked the same. So instead, he came back to where Dean was leaning against the wall by his own room before Cas stopped at the room next to Dean’s. “I would like this room Dean.”

“Well alright then” and with that Dean picked up Cas’ backpack to take it into his room and laid it on the bed before he unzipped it and began to place Cas’ few articles of clothing into the drawers, all with Cas standing in the doorway watching each move Dean made. He noticed that Dean was moving quite carefully, holding each of Cas’ belongings with care before placing them where he felt they belonged. Once Dean was done, he looked around the room to make sure he got it set just the way he liked before nodding and looking at Cas, his eyes drifting to the scar on his neck.

Dean walked forward, eyes almost locked to that small piece of damaged flesh that meant so much to them. Dean’s hand moved forward, his fingers lying on the side of Cas’ neck while his thumb brushed that small bit of skin that would serve as a constant reminder of those days past. Dean’s thumb roamed back and forth, his mouth opening when he felt Cas take a shuddering breath and looking up at Cas, shocked to see the other man’s blue eyes watering. Dean drew his hand back, scared that he had hurt the other man before mumbling a quick sorry and rushing to his own room right next door.

Cas gently closed his door, forehead resting against the door before falling slowly to his knees, head still laid against the door as he slowly let his silent tears fall, the pain of being so close to telling Dean of his fears and not was practically killing him because he didn’t know if there would be another chance to tell Dean. A slow sob fell from him before he was able to muster up the energy to move toward the bed, the musty sheets not helping to calm his terrors any. It took a long time for Cas to calm any, and by that time he was worn out enough to fall asleep, although not a dreamless one.


	3. Explaining

“Shit shit fuck shit fuck fuck shit!” Dean said to himself, pacing back and forth in his room, mentally slapping himself in the face. “Shit, you probably scared him; why the fuck would you do something like that? Fuck fuck fuck!” Dean practically screamed at himself, stopping long enough to take a breath and to hear a small noise that almost sounded like a whisper. Immediately on high alert, Dean grabbed his Purgatory blade off the wall before opening the door and quickly checked out the hallway. Moving down the hall, the noise quickly got louder, almost echoing down the hall. When Dean got to Cas’ door, he was about to knock to make sure he was okay. However, the noise seemed to come from inside and Dean pressed close to the door to hear a sob through the door and his heart clenched in his chest. He dropped his arm from their defensive positions to look forlornly at the door, wishing he could go in and comfort the other man, but each sob stopped him. Dean stood there and listened as long as he could before he dropped to the floor with his back against the wall and his elbows on his knees and let small tears roll down his cheeks in pain for his friend. He didn’t know how long he sat there, the room had gone quiet for a little while and Dean was getting ready to head back to his room when he heard a yell come from Cas’ room and Dean knew he could no longer remain in the hall.

Cas was writhing in his bed, the sheets kicked off to the floor as Cas kept trying to fight off whatever was in his dream. One thing that Dean was able to take in was that Cas was yelling “Dean!” every time. Whether it was in desperation or hatred, Dean had no idea. He went over to the bed and tried to grab at Cas’ arm to try and shake him awake, but Cas was thrashing almost too much that Dean couldn’t get a good handle on him without hurting the other man. Dean decided that he couldn’t just stand by while his friend was in pain, so Dean did what he thought was best. He climbed on his friends’ bed and tried to maneuver to get Cas’ arms under control, but when that didn’t work, he had to straddle Cas’ stomach, the other man thrashing even harder to try and buck Dean off. Dean was worried; Cas wasn’t waking up even though Dean was practically shouting his name.

“Cas, I’m so sorry about this” Dean said as he raised one hand, palm flat as he brought it down to slap across Cas’ cheek, the force whipping Cas’ head to the side and it stopped the yelling. Dean slumped a little, his anxiety calming now that Cas had stopped his manic behavior. Dean could feel small shaking against the insides of his thighs and he looked down to see Cas still splayed out, but shivers were running through him while Dean noticed that Cas’ face was wet from the silent tears falling down his face. Dean felt his stomach drop as he looked upon Cas.

He quickly climbed off, stuttering out an apology before he felt a tug at his hand. Cas had come to enough to reach forward and grasp at Dean’s hand almost desperately, the tears stopping instead and his eyes looking at Dean with scared longing. “Please don’t go” Cas whispered out and Dean couldn’t deny anything once he heard the sadness and desperation in Cas’ voice. Dean sat back on the bed, this time his back towards Cas with the other man still holding onto his arm. It took a while before anyone said anything, and Dean was just getting ready to go to his room when Cas broke the silence.

“Do you remember Naomi, Dean?” Dean had only met her once or twice before, but from the way Cas said it, he sounded scared so Dean merely nodded and kept quiet. “Well, do you also remember when I tried to kill you in the crypt? Well, that wasn’t exactly me. Naomi had me for quite some time and every day she had a new you created. An every day, she tried to have me kill this doppelganger. I wouldn’t. I refused every day for quite some time. That is, until she started torturing me. She invaded my mind, messed around with it until I had almost no control and every time I saw you, no matter whether I wanted to or not, I had this overriding need to kill you. I hated it. I never wanted to do it but Naomi made me. It broke me each and every time I had to kill you. I lost count after so long. Each time, you pleaded for me not to kill you or you fought me and I had to defend myself. And then the one time, the one single time that I was about to kill actual you, something stopped me, but I will never forgive myself for how close I came to actually killing you.”

Cas was practically in tears again, his hand clutching at Dean’s. The pain that Dean saw on his friends face and what he had just been told had him in shock. He never knew what Cas went through. All Dean could do for a few moments, looking at his friend, this angel who had given up so much for him was crying over a nightmare of all the shit he had gone through and Dean could only think of doing one thing.

Dean got up, prying his hand from Cas’ grip, the other man looking at him and shock, the scared look on his face melting Dean’s heart as he pushed Cas to the side of the bed before laying down himself and pulling Cas down to nestle against him, tears still falling. The tears began to fall onto Dean’s shirt, the small drops of water a reminder of just how close Cas was, and Dean couldn’t resist pulling his arms around the other man and placing a kiss to the top of his head before they both drifted off to sleep, the actions of the day taking their toll on the two.


	4. A Little Comfort Goes a Long Way

Dean slowly awoke the next morning, the heat radiating from his side making him look at the sleeping man that was nestled against him. Last night came back to him, and the pain struck him anew. When he looked at Cas, it was so strange to see him relaxed, especially after everything that had happened the night before. Dean hadn’t realized that Cas was so worried about everything. What dean couldn’t understand was why Cas waited so long to tell him and why it hurt Cas so much that he was having a nightmare to the point where he was yelling out in his sleep.

Dean thought about this for several minutes before he felt Cas stir against him, a small hum escaping from the sleeping man as he tried to snuggle deeper into dean’s chest, his arm pulling against his side. Dean smiled into Cas’ hair and couldn’t help but to pull him in closer. The two men stayed like that for some time until Dean began to get hungry, and as he tried to move, Cas whined against his side.

Dean gave a small laugh as he pulled himself out of the bed. “I’m just going to go get something to eat. You want anything?” But it was no use, Cas had rolled into the spot that dean had just vacated and was sound asleep again. As the hunter walked towards the kitchen, he could smell fresh coffee and he thought he heard the fridge door close. He walked in and saw Sam cracking eggs into a pan, not scrambling them but instead going for the healthier option of sunny side up. He already had some toast and orange juice laid out when he laid the egg on top of his toast, so Dean opened up the fridge again to pull out some bacon and began to fry it up with a too large amount of baking grease, just too get that look from Sam that said that he was an idiot.  
When Sam was munching on toast and Dean chewing some bacon, Cas came in and sat at the counter, choosing the seat that was right next to Dean.

“Well, I guess sleeping beauty finally got up.” Dean said jokingly as he moved his plate of bacon to between the two men, something which Sam had never seen. Dean never shared his food, especially when he had his own plate.

“Thank you Dean. But it got cold so I had no other choice.” Cas replied as he took the least greasy piece of bacon from the pile and took a bite of it, practically moaning at the taste of the fried meat. “Mm, so that’s bacon, no wonder you like it so much Dean.” Cas said as he took another piece and scarfed that one down as well. Before Dean knew it, the plate was free of any bacon and Cas was pulling over Deans’ coffee and taking a sip of it before adding sugar and taking a deeper sip of the black liquid. Cas shivered, the warmth spreading throughout him, making him realize how cold he actually was, and tried to shift closer to the warmth of the man next to him.

As Dean and Sam continued conversation as though Cas hadn’t just finished Dean’s breakfast, Cas thought about how long he would have in the bunker. When Cas had told Dean of his fears, Dean had held him, but hadn’t really said anything. It was somewhat comforting with Dean there, but his fears were only quieted, not remedied. His worries still gnawed at the back of his mind, but they were calmed when the brothers were around, but mostly when Dean was near. He listened to the conversation, watching as the brothers went back and forth, Dean sometimes reaching for a cup of coffee that wasn’t there before looking to Cas with a small smile before turning back to the conversation. It seemed like a good thing was happening, but then he had to go and change that.


	5. Saving The Righteous Man

Chains, whips, knives, blood. That is what Castiel can see as he tries to make his way to the innermost circle of Hell. His wing tips are burning, his feathers catching fire and turning to ash, the pain great as it tears at his grace as he moves towards the brightest light he can see. Other little spots of light dot his path, but these are not the man he is looking for. Dean’s soul shines bright over the dim darkness that ensconced Hell, the light pulling Castiel forward with how wonderful and good it felt. Castiel pushed his way towards the man, wings burning as he fought away the demons as he finally, finally, reached that beautiful light and grasped this man tight, the goodness spreading throughout Castiel and helping to heal some of the damage, his lost feathers not coming back but healing over so he was not in pain any longer. Castiel’s wings shot out and as he grabbed Dean’s arm and the transfer of energy shot through both men, the power scarring the man’s flesh and almost overpowering Castiel. Demons drew upon the man and the angel, weighing them down before Castiel let his wings expand to their full length and he used them to free himself before pulling this righteous man to the surface, but that’s where it all went wrong.

Demons converged, raising up into a wave of black, it pulled the two over, a great crashing pushing Castiel back and he was being pulled apart by claws and teeth, his wings almost ripped from his back, the jarring pain making Castiel yell out, his screams blood curdling as his own blood streamed down his back, grace exposed and ghosting out of him. He looks around in his pain, and he can no longer find that light, but as the demons moved around him, he caught glimpses of a body on the ground, a head no longer attached. Castiel was being dragged, his flayed back catching on the earth as he was dragged down, the pain blinding him to his surroundings. Cold fire burned around him as he was thrown onto the ground and a rumbling voice shook over him and if he wasn’t afraid before, he was now. He heard rattling, cage walls crashing against one another, and Castiel knew that he would not survive this.

“Ah Castiel, I see you’ve come for our brothers’ vessel. All a lost cause as you can probably tell. No worries, no one shall survive to tell of your death” and with that last word, Castiel sent one last thought out of _Forgive me Father_ as his grace was ripped from him and the lights fell blank, darkness enclosing.

Cas woke up being shaken, his legs wrapped up in a blanket and he was covered in sweat. Dean looked worse for wear, his hair wildly arranged with red marks marring his arms and he was breathing heavy. Cas was also breathing heavy, his arms practically locked by Dean and he felt sore all over, but his back was the worst of all of him. He looked at Dean, eyes wide and staring at each other as they calmed down, Dean’s grip slowly releasing as Cas slumped onto the bed, disbelieving what he did and even as he slumped back, he shot forward at the pain in his back and only now did he see the blood on his hands. He shook and practically launched from the bed, moving to the bathroom quickly before leaning over the toilet and throwing up everything from that day. Dean was there, whispering words of comfort and trying to help calm him down, trying to find a good place to lay his hand that wouldn’t be painful for Cas.

The retching was horrid, full bodied, and didn’t stop for some time. When it seemed to be calming, Dean removed his hand from Cas’ hair and got up to get a washcloth to help clean Cas off. The angry red scars on Cas’ back were going to need bandaging soon, so when Cas got up to rinse his mouth out, Dean went to his room and grabbed the first aid kit he always kept near. When he came back in, he noticed that Cas’ sleep pants were red around the waist band, enough blood falling down his back to make the marks look longer than they were.

“Cas, can we, uh, can we clean you up there a bit?” The angel turned to look at his back and immediately recognized that where the marks are would be where his wings would be in this body. Cas solemnly nodded his ascent to the process, silently hoping that Dean wouldn’t come to the same conclusion as Cas did: That he had tried to rip out his own wings.

“Can you sit on the tub then? Don’t want to make a mess everywhere, ya know?” Dean led Cas over to straddle the edge of the tub and moved his own supplies over there as well. Dean straddled the tub as well, making sure he had enough room to work. He turned on the water, making sure that it wasn’t too warm or cold before wetting a new washcloth to wipe at the drying blood along the other man’s back.

“So what was it this time?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” Cas lied, his back becoming rigid with worry.

“Oh come on Cas. Last night, you were screaming from your nightmare, and that had me in it. This time, you were clawing at your own back where I assume your wings would normally be. Has to be something major for that to happen.”

Cas’ face fell when he heard Dean talk about his wings, the wings that were so harshly taken from him and which he gave away to give all the other angels their own wings back. The pain ripped at his heart that he was no longer an angel, couldn’t be unless someone wanted to give up their grace, and even then it wouldn’t be his and might behave in an unlikely manner. Cas was very afraid of what Dean would do, but he so wanted to tell Dean, to at least tell someone of what had happened, and who better to have some understanding than Dean.

“Cas? You alright?” and Cas practically broke down, no matter how strong he wanted to be. Dean quickly drew his hands away from the other man, afraid he had actually hurt him without really touching him other than the water to wipe away some of the extra blood.

“My wings,” Cas murmured behind the tears, “I don’t have my wings anymore.”

“What?” Dean gasped, looking at the scars that Cas had cut into himself with his very own fingernails.

“My grace. I had to give it up to let all the angles back into Heaven. I don’t have my wings any more Dean! I don’t have my fucking wings!” Cas yelled into the bathroom, the noise echoing off the tiled walls as he stood up and threw everything he could reach around the room. Dean quickly stood, the shock of Cas cursing and this sudden rage scaring him slightly, but nothing could overwhelm his need to take care of the other man.

“Cas! Cas! Castiel, calm down! You’ll only hurt yourself more!”

“I don’t fucking care! I don’t have anything anymore! I don’t have my family, don’t have my powers and I don’t have my fucking wings!” Cas had run out of things to throw so he began punching at the wall, trying to make something, anything, hurt more than his heart did at this moment. Dean came up behind him to grab him around the chest, locking in Cas’ arms as well so that he couldn’t hurt either of them. Tears ran down Cas’ face as he slumped back into the weight of Dean who was talking to Cas, trying to calm the man down with his words. Cas couldn’t make out much at the beginning, but as he calmed down, he heard what Dean was saying.

“…don’t you dare think you have nothing. You have Sam, you have me. You don’t need your wings to sill have me. We’re your family. We’re always here for you… I’m always here for you.”

When Cas heard this, the strength returned to him, tearing himself away from Dean before swinging back around to stand in a defensive stance against the other man.

“Don’t you dare! Where were you when I needed you? When I had $5 to decide between food and my clothes? When I was sleeping in a closet? When I was being hunted? Where were you then Dean? Why, when I need you, are you never there!?” The tears had stopped by now, instead anger taking over and making him turn against Dean.

Guilt crashed over Dean as he looked at his friend. Dean knew that he hadn’t always been there, but he didn’t know it had been as bad as Cas was saying. He really was a terrible person for treating Cas, an angel, or well former angel, but either way, he was his friend, the closest thing he had to family outside of Sam.

“You’re right Cas. I was more worried about Sam. That wasn’t fair of me to forget about you. You deserve better people. You deserve so much, but I don’t know if I give you that. I mean, Sam’s in no shape to do anything now. And I’m just a useless asshole that isn’t worth your time. I would understand if you want to leave, but, I’m gonna be honest here Cas, I would really like it if you stayed.”

That last statement stopped Cas in his tracks. _Dean wanted him here? Dean wasn’t going to get rid of him?_ The pain that Cas could see on Dean’s face hurt him to the core, far deeper than his fears and nightmares ever had. Cas wanted to go over and comfort the other man, but he didn’t know how to do so. Instead, Cas merely sat on his bed and said a simple “oh”. Dean sat down at the desk and muttered a “yeah, oh”.

Cas’ mind was whirling with happiness that Dean wasn’t going to make him leave. He visibly relaxed, the tension leaving his shoulders before going rigid again at the pain along his back. Dean caught the movement and got up. “Alright, lets finish cleaning you up.”

Cas got up to move into the bathroom again, moving around the mess that he had made in his anger and turned to examine his back in the mirror. All of Dean’s work was ruined, his exertions tearing the skin again, allowing new blood to cake over the wounds and down his back. He straddled the tub again without Dean telling him to and tried to find a comfortable position. Dean maneuvered in behind him, close enough that Cas could almost feel Dean breathing against him. He heard the tap turn on as Dean rewet the washcloth before slowly working his way through the drying blood, constantly rinsing the cloth as he cleaned away the mess. Small, soothing strokes calmed Cas and helped to relieve the rest of the tension he carried. Dean said something but Cas couldn’t make it out of the pleasant fog that clouded his mind and merely made a happy, content sound.

All was good until he felt a sharp sting on his back, flinching away from the alcohol swab that Dean was holding against Castiel’s wounds. He gasped in shock, his body bowed away from Dean, even as he laid a calming hand on his shoulder, shushing him with kind words. Cas sunk back into Dean’s hands and kept his flinching to a minimum. Dean dabbed at the wounds, trying to keep his touch gentle against the other man’s skin. When Dean had finished, he put large pads of bandage over them and taped them up, running his fingers along the edges, making Cas shiver with the feather light touches. Once he was done making sure the edges were flat enough, he got a large piece of bandage to wrap around Cas’ chest to make sure that the large pads stayed in place. Slowly winding it around, he took the time to ask Cas about what had happened.

“So, do you want to talk about that dream now?” Dean asked, feeling that this time, Cas might tell him instead of lashing out.

Cas looked at the edge of the tub they were still sat upon, trying to figure out whether to tell Dean or not. On one hand, he wouldn’t have to deal with his fears alone, and Dean had already come to his aid on this matter. But on the other hand, he didn’t want Dean to think him weak for being afraid of dreams. After some silent deliberation, he had decided.

“We were back in Hell again.” He said quietly.

“We?”

“Yes, you and me, Dean. It was the day when I went to Hell to raise you back. Only this time, I couldn’t make it out. I had gotten so close, but we were pulled back down. For my actions, you were killed” Cas choked up a little at this point and continued “and my wings were ripped form my very being. There was no way for me to escape and I had already failed. I knew that you would return and someone else could carry on the mission, but I? I would not come back.”

Dean felt that there was more to it than that, what with the pain that Dean could hear in Cas’ words. Instead of asking more about it, he scooted forward, being mindful of his friends wounded back, and wrapped an arm around his friend in a half hug before Cas relaxed back into him.  
Dean didn’t say much, just “I’m glad no one else had to complete the mission” as the two men just sat in silence, taking comfort in each other’s presence.

Soon, the time of night caught up to the two men and Cas wandered to the bed, moving the covers out of the way, only to see his sheets stained with blood. Cas looked towards Dean, who was walking towards the door.

“Dean?” Cas said. “Can I, uh, I don’t, uh, I really don’t want to be alone. May I?” Cas asked, hoping that Dean would understand what he meant.

“Yeah Cas, grab some sleep pants though. Jeans are not the most comfortable thing to sleep in.” Dean said with a slight smile in his voice as he opened the door to Cas’ room, disappearing around the corner to his own room.

Cas walked out without grabbing anything. When he entered the room, Dean was looking through his drawers for anything that might qualify as sleep pants. When he looked up after sensing Cas’ presence in the doorway, he noticed that he didn’t have anything in his hands. “Cas, don’t you have any sleep pants?”

“No, but I believe I don’t need any. Isn’t your usual method of sleep wear just your boxers?” Cas asked innocently enough.

“Well yeah Cas, but I’m not going to sleep next to you in only my shirt and boxers.” Dean laughed, trying to hide that he wouldn’t be able to control himself with so few layers of clothes between himself and Cas.

“You won’t be the only one Dean. I have since learned that this is the most comfortable way to sleep.” At that, Cas stripped himself out of his pants and climbed into bed, not realizing the effect he was having on Dean.

Dean stood there, his eyes wide and now there was no damn way he was going to make it through this. His cock twitched in his pants and he willed it down as he stripped off his own shirt and hesitated at the button of his pants. He took a deep breath before sliding his zipper down, pressing a forceful hand against himself to keep him down, and pulled his shirt in front of himself to try and help hide his hard on.

“Hey Dean?” Dean heard from the man next to him and Deans back straightened, afraid that Cas had seen.

“Yeah Cas?”

“Thank you for helping me. You don’t have to, but thank you.” Cas leaned into Dean and he told himself it was just that Cas wanted to keep off of his back, and if Dean curled his arm around the other man, no one would be the wiser.


	6. A Very Good Morning Indeed

This morning started much like the last, Cas was nestled into Dean, but this time, Dean woke with a straining in his boxers that his shirt was struggling to cover. He looked at Cas, making sure the other man hadn’t realized, but as he turned towards the other man, he noticed that Cas was closer than he thought. Dean’s chin brushed against the other man’s hair, ruffling it a bit more and making Cas stir and press against him, which made Dean’s eyes widen. A thick, hard line pressed against Dean’s thigh and Cas let out a small moan when he pressed closer to the other man. Dean tried to suppress the groan that threatened to escape as he felt his cock twitch underneath his boxers.

Dean struggled with what to do, his cock begging him to start something with the other man lying on him, while his mind said that he shouldn’t, that he didn’t know how Cas would feel. Or at least he didn’t until Cas moaned out “Dean” and sleepily thrust his hips into Dean and the will that Dean had been holding onto snapped just the tiniest bit.

Dean’s free hand reached to adjust himself in his boxers and gave a small pump through the fabric. His hips twitched at the touch and Cas gave a small press against him, mumbling into Dean’s collarbone as his cock pressed insistently against Dean. Dean’s arm curled even more around the other man, his face pressing into Cas’ hair to inhale, groaning as he felt a zing through his body, his hand yet again straining towards his own hard cock, desperately wanting to turn into Cas to have him thrust against him, their cocks pressing together and apart, hot breath in between the two men, foreheads pressed together.

The mental image had Dean biting his lip, his hand moving underneath his boxers, hand wrapped tight around his cock and moving with each of Cas’ own small thrusts. Cas’ lazy, sleepy thrust weren’t enough for Dean though. He pulled his hand out of his boxers and turned to his side as he pressed forward towards Cas and holy shit that was really fucking good. The two men moved together, one aware while the other one slept, and Dean heard the hitch in Cas’ breathing, had enough knowledge of his own orgasms to know that Cas had come, the small cry and wet boxers giving him away even more. Dean followed suit, using Cas’ hip to help get him off before just lying there, breathing heavily as his sweat began to cool against his skin. He debated getting up, feeling lax and tired again, until he felt his boxers pull at his skin, cum sticking to the small hairs at the base of his cock. Dean got up to move to the bathroom, grabbing his jeans as he went, the sated feeling refusing to leave even as he pried his sticky boxers away from his skin.

Cas woke up, hearing the click of the bathroom door and the water running. He shifted, upset that he had once again woken without Dean near, but his boxers pulled at the hairs trailing down his stomach and with a shock, Cas realized what had happened. Cas was mortified, no wonder Dean didn’t stay with him. Even Cas knew that feeling this way for your friend was wrong, even if they were profoundly bonded. Cas wasn’t entirely sure what to do. Dean was currently using the bathroom and Cas felt too uncomfortable to go to his room to clean up. His boxers pulled at the hair and made him wince occasionally as he looked around to see if there was anything he could do when Dean walked out of the bathroom, jeans on and not looking any worse for wear. Cas couldn’t see anything in Dean’s face that would indicated that he had even noticed Cas’ predicament.

“You gonna clean up there, stud?” Dean asked and Cas felt his face flame at the comment. He ran out of the room, quickly closing the door as he finally felt safe before grabbing a pair of boxers and a new pair of pants before rushing into the bathroom to try and peel away the fabric without having it catch on his skin too much.

Dean held back his laugh as he watched Cas scurry out of the room before Dean headed to the kitchen to get breakfast started. He got out a bowl for some cereal, while opening the fridge to see if there was any more bacon, remember how Cas looked when he had first had bacon, and it was only polite after you share a night to make the other person breakfast. Finding none left, he instead found some sausage that was left over from the previous night’s dinner and began to shape it into small patties, taking care to make an even amount for him and Cas.

As he was preparing breakfast for him and Cas, he heard the bunker door open and only assumed it was Sam coming back from his morning run. Dean found a grapefruit in the fridge that Sam had previously put in there, getting out a knife to be able to cut it in half, also removing some orange juice for his brother. Sam came into the kitchen, hair slick from sweat and smelling of the outdoors, making Dean gag theatrically, getting Sam to roll his eyes before chugging the glass of orange juice before heading to go get a shower.

Dean was pulling off the last of the greasy sausage, plating them equally, but maybe giving Cas the larger of the patties, if only to see what his face would look like when he tried the new breakfast item. He placed each plate across from each other, laying out some milk for himself and starting the coffee pot so that they could begin to feel more normal. Cas wandered in, eyes on the floor until he looked up at Dean, eyes flicking down to the sausage on the table, questioning look on his face as he moved closer, curiousness getting the better of him.

“Sausage” Dean said through a mouthful of food, trying not to look too hopeful that Cas would have the same reaction as he did with the bacon, that having had a pleasurable reaction for Dean himself. Cas sat down at the table and picked up a piece of the sausage and took a bite, and while it wasn’t quite the same reaction, the small hum Cas let out gave Dean a small bit of warmth in his chest, smiling down at his own breakfast as Sam walked in.

“What’s got you all smiley?” Dean’s smile almost immediately vanished as he looked up, catching Cas’ eye for a split second before looking at Sam. Dean smiled what he hoped would be a joking smile before darling his eyes up to look at Sam’s freshly showered hair. “Oh nothing really. Just uh, make sure to watch out for your shampoo.” Sam quickly pulled forth his hair, looking to make sure it wasn’t a strange color. Cas smiled at Sam’s antics, taking another bite of his breakfast to hide the smile from Dean, but he couldn’t keep the smile from his eyes as he looked at Dean.

“Oh calm down Sammy. I haven’t done anything to your precious hair. Or, at least not yet.” Sam huffed at Dean’s jeering, sitting down to the grapefruit Dean had gotten out for him earlier. Conversation was short, not much going on that the others didn’t know about and instead turned towards some activity that Sam had found while scanning the internet.

“So get this. We haven’t done any sort of normal hunting lately and I think that it would be good to get back into it. Ya know the whole “saving people” thing we always used to do. Well, I found this place in Ohio that seems to be haunted and there’s some really weird stuff going on there. I think we should go check it out. And since it’s only a simple haunting, I figure Cas could stay here, watch the bunker and look for anything else we could do.”

Sam was looking excitedly at Dean, so he missed Cas’ terrified expression at being left alone that was directed at Dean, hoping the other man would be able to convince Sam of how much of a bad idea this was.

“Umm Sam, maybe we should take Cas, ya know? Since he’s, uh, going to be with us for a while, don’t you think he should learn how to deal with this stuff as well?” Dean said as a way to try and convince Sam.

“Well Dean, he is an angel, I’m sure he can do whatever the hell he wants and maybe doesn’t want to be stuck with us.” At the mention of Cas being an angel, Cas gasped and felt his heart cringe, almost as though someone had put it in a vice and was slowly crushing it.

Dean could practically feel Cas’ panic wash over him, and was amazed that Sam wasn’t feeling it as well. “No, I definitely think we should take Cas with us. He needs to learn if he’s sticking around. Now I’m done with breakfast and I’m done with this conversation.” Dean stood up and marched over to Cas, pulling him up quick enough so that Sam won’t see Cas’ fear stricken face and practically dragged him to Dean’s room, leaving Sam to look after them in confusion.


	7. Some Nostalgia For The Ride

The door closed behind the two men and Cas’ shoulders were shaking even as Dean wrapped his own arms around Cas. The other man gasped at the feeling of Dean around him and choking coughs wracked his body as he continued to cry and let his own arms encircle Dean and grip him tight as he let his emotions run away at Sam’s unknowing comment.

The comforting rub of Dean’s hands along Cas’ back helped to calm him down and until Cas had done so, he hadn’t heard Dean humming against his neck. Cas didn’t let go, even as he calmed, wanting to hold on to that feeling of comfort that he wasn’t sure how long he would have. Later, once Cas’ fear had subsided significantly and Dean’s song had ended, Dean began to pull away from the other man, Cas letting go despite wanting to hold on for longer.

“Ya good?” Dean asked as he looked at Cas, seeing no more worry on his face.

“I think so. Although I might need to go apologize to Sam for my behavior.” Cas responded, actually feeling slightly normal.

“Nah, I’ll talk to him. And it was his fault anyway, “Dean said with a small smile, “but you’ll be able to go with us. Make sure you have a bag packed. We’ll figure out a rooming system later.” Cas felt better as he walked to his own room, deliberately looking away from the bloodied sheets, before trying to figure out what to pack. The only time he had ever had to worry about a change of clothes was when he was “Steve” and even then he was given a uniform to wear. Either way, he only had a few sets of clothing that would be hunting worthy, so he merely set his small duffle on his bed and went out to wander the bunker.

Cas avoided the main room, wanting to not get involved if the brothers were fighting again like they always were. He hadn’t been down to the basement a lot, the only times were when he was an angel and was able to fly down there rather than walk. The amount of dust that covered everything looked like most of it hadn’t been touched in years, but he could most certainly tell where the boys had been. A large handprint was left on one box, far too large for Dean, so that one must have been Sam’s. Another lower down was much smaller, far too small for anyone currently residing in the bunker. So this must have been Kevin’s Cas thought and let his fingertips trail over the light layering of dust that had found its way back to the surface, in a way trying to keep one reminder of the prophet.

He continued to look around, not really taking anything in, mostly just wandering with his own thoughts over what had occurred before. The embarrassment came back, tinging his cheeks a light pink as he thought of what had caused the incident. The dream was almost gone, Cas not able to remember most of it, but he knew it was from his time as an angel. Maybe one of those times where he had come down to check on the brothers, but Dean was in the shower. Cas hadn’t been too concerned then, his grace not allowing him to view Dean with the sort of pleasure he did now and because of that, Cas remembered each time in a new light. Still, it did not forgive his behavior that morning and the fact that Dean knew it had happened made Cas’ embarrassment flush deeper, even if Dean didn’t know that it was him Cas was yearning for.

His reverie was broken by echoing steps, and he looked towards the door as he saw Dean emerge around the edge, his eyes almost immediately connecting on Cas.

“Hey, uh, we’re ready to go. I’m already got your bag in the car so whenever you’re good.”

“Thank you Dean, I believe that I am good now.” Cas said in response, his voice betraying his smile as he followed Dean back out of the basement and to the outside, the Sun high as he maneuvered himself into the backseat as Sam and Dean shuffled into their respective seats. Dean looked back at Cas to make sure he was settled, flashing a small smile at the other man before turning back around and turning the impala towards the highway.


	8. A Promise They Try To Keep

The boys had made good time, making it outside of the Kansas borders before they stopped for food and to find a motel. Conversation had been stunted at best, Led Zeppelin coming from the speakers for most of the ride, only a few directions now and then from Sam. Then tension between the brothers was quite palpable, and he could tell that Sam wasn’t too happy to have been put in his place earlier.

When they made it to a small town, they found a local dive bar that seemed like the local watering hole for everyone. Small children ran around, business men and women sat at the bar, their suits crinkling against the bar stools, and the local teenagers drinking down a beer as they played some pool, their laughter flowing over the three men as they seated themselves.

Cas shuffled into one side of the booth as Sam got in on the other side, the man’s long legs knocking on the underneath of the table. Dean looked to the side with Sam before deciding to sit on the side with Cas, letting Sam spread himself out to be more comfortable. As they got settled, Dena let his knee press into the side of Cas’ leg, and even though Cas stiffened, he didn’t move away and Dean had to hide a small smile behind a cough.

An overly cheerful waitress came over to welcome them, her boobs looking more than ready to fall out of her shirt at the slightest notice. And it would seem that she really wanted Sam to notice, given how she was leaning more into him as she brought him an extra beer, saying it was on the house. Dean kept harassing Sam about the girl, Katie he thinks he remembers, until Sam got fed up with his teasing and left to go to the bar, presumably to get away from his brother, but when Dean looked back, he noticed how he was talking to the busty waitress. Knowing Sam would be preoccupied for most of the night, Dean was able to get Cas out of there and into the impala without Sam asking where they were staying and ruining his chances of hooking up with Katie.

Dean and Cas drove around, looking for a motel that didn’t look too gross, the bunkers own living quarters giving the boys a higher sense of comfort that what they used to accept. They found one a little ways off, the name a little off putting but the buildings didn’t look too terrible. Dean pulled in and said “Alright, you get a room, I’ll get the bags.” And when Dean went to open his door, he heard a small noise from the seat beside him. “What is it Cas?”

“I’ve never gotten a room Dean.” Cas said quietly, looking down at his lap as he fiddled with his shirt. Dean couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face before looking down and shaking his head at himself.

“Yeah okay, we’ll get the bags and then get a room together, alright?” Cas looked relieved at Deans understanding, and nodded before getting out of the impala and moving towards the trunk. Grabbing their lightweight bags, the two men walked towards to lobby.

It was almost straight out of a horror movie, the one light flickering with the fly paper hanging from the ceiling. There was the door behind the counter that was slightly ajar which had some sort of game show on, the laugh track sounding creepy in the quiet room. Dean leaned up against the counter and tapped the bell, the loud ding awakening his senses in the quiet.

A tiny child walked out from the other room, her blonde hair in pigtails that hung down the front of her shoulders. She couldn’t have been more than 10, and even then she seemed small for her age, enough that she had to use a stepstool to see over the counter enough. She smiled at the two men, a missing front tooth catching Dean’s eye.

“Hello,” she said, her voice light and happy in the dreariness of the motel office. “how may I help you?”

“Hi. Is there any chance that we could get a room here tonight?” Dean asked politely, keeping in mind not to come off too creepy.

The little girl brightened. “Sure!” Her ‘s’ getting lisped out through the gap in her smile. “But we only have one room available. Seems like something is going on this week. I have a ballet recital, maybe that’s why there are so many people.” She practically beamed at the two men and it was Cas who answered her.

“I bet you’re pretty good at ballet.”

“Oh I am!” The girl said, getting more and more excited at the turn the conversation was taking. “I got put in the very front! That means I’m the best!”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “I bet you are. Probably the prettiest one there too” Dean said, the child’s mood getting to him and it would see that Cas was affected just as much as he moved closer and the smile on his face was almost full grin.

The little girl giggled and almost danced around “My daddy always says that I am.” She gasped in with a little hiccup. “Would you like to come!?” Before either Cas or dean could answer, she pushed her way off the stepstool and ran into the other room. Dean and Cas looked at each other and laughed a little bit at the little girls antics. She came running back with a small pamphlet in her hands. She held it out to the two men. “Will you come to my ballet recital?” she asked with hopefulness shining in her eyes. Cas leaned forward and took the pink piece of paper saying “We’ll try to make it.”

The little girl practically squealed in excitement, but tried to quiet down as quickly as she could when there was a shuffling noise from the other room. “Oh, your room.” She hopped off the stepstool again, this time instead to go and get a set of keys off the back wall and getting them set up.


	9. Heal What Has Been Hurt

The two men walked out of the lobby, smiling now as they tried to figure out if they would be able to convince Sam to let them stay a few days more. They got to their room, only to open it up and see a multitude of pinks and reds. 

Dean could feel the blush rise on his cheeks as he quickly figured out what this room was. Cas, however, wandered into the room and looked at the pink bed, the swirling red wallpaper and the fluffy robes with interest.

Dean coughed at their luck. He had forgotten to ask which room it was. It didn’t so much matter about the bed since he figured he would be sharing with Cas anyway, but the lovely dovey mushiness of the honeymoon suite wasn’t something he wanted to spend much time in.

“I did not expect the rooms to look like this at a place called “The Inner Sanctum”.” Cas said it so easily and almost as monotone as Dean was used to that he couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s because, my dear Cas, this is the honeymoon suite. Let’s at least be thankful this isn’t the worst one I’ve ever seen.” Dean said as he walked in to throw his bag on the bed before getting his phone out to text Sam the name of their motel and the room number. Dean looked up once he had put the phone away to see Cas rolling his shoulders and wincing in pain at the movement.

“It’s probably a good time to change those bandages. I’m sure they can’t feel too good.” Dean said in concern, his instincts kicking in that he needed to care for Cas, even if it wasn’t the same feeling he got when Sam was hurt. This one was more caring than protective; fuzzier in a sense rather than the almost clinical sense it usually was when he was tending to Sam.

Cas looked uncomfortable, probably remembering the means by which he had come across them. “Yes. Thank you Dean.” Cas muttered before heading towards the bathroom which was a sickly sweet pink everywhere. Cas began to strip off his shirt when Dean walked in, and Cas’ movements became stunted and his cheeks flushed. Dean began to set everything out by the tub, a roll of bandages falling from the edge and making the hunter kneel down to get it. By then, Cas had gotten down to the last button of his shirt and when Dean looked to get up, he got a full view of Cas’ stomach twisting as he removed his shirt.

Dean felt heat deep in his belly that all familiar burn beginning and rushing blood through his body, making him dizzy. He gripped the tub to steady himself and turned his head away to try and think of anything to will his arousal down. The blood and gore of his childhood enough to stem the steady flow of blood to his dick. Dean sat up slowly, thankful for the fact that he had already gotten everything for Cas’ bandage changing.

Dean figured Cas hadn’t noticed anything, given the way he just sat down right in from of Dean, closer than he had been before. The hunter slowly reached toward the piece of tape that was holding the ends of the bandage together to begin to unravel it. Dean scooted forward a little more, leaving only enough space between them so that he didn’t bump Cas’ wounds, and quite possibly so that Cas couldn’t feel his semi-hard dick pressed against his ass.

Fingers skirted across Cas’ skin, making the man bite at his lip and try to control his cock that was threatening to break through his pants each time skin brushed Dean’s fingertips. The bandage kept getting thinner with each time Dean circled his hands around Cas’ chest. He could feel goose bumps rise on his arms and could practically feel the electricity in the distance between the two men.

Dean’s hands trailed over Cas’ skin, catching on an exposed nipple and making Cas gasp at the jolt that ran through his body, all the way straight to his dick. The memories of the dream that caused the whole fiasco of that morning kept going through his mind.

Breathe shuddering between kisses, hot wet heat marking him along his throat, collarbones, and chest. Soft hair ruffled through his fingers, drops of sweat catching on his hands. A hard body lay along his, and Cas ran his fingers over the contours of what muscles he could reach. Sweat making everything slick and sliding against each other as the other body moved downwards, marking at Cas’ quivering stomach. Cas could feel his cock straining towards the other person, being ignored in favor of touching every other part of his body. All Cas could think about was having this other person touch his cock, and he thought he would get that, but instead, the hands moved down to rub at his muscled thighs.

Cas groaned and practically whined at being ignored and when he heard that throaty laugh, his cock twitched at the sound. “Now calm down there Cas. We’ll get there soon enough.” The deep voice was familiar and Cas was about to look, a quizzical noise beginning before it was strangled out as the person dragged a flat tongue up Cas’ cock. His hands shot down to the side of him, gripping the sheets tightly and his hips stuttering up towards whoever that was because oh my god he needed more. That laugh cut through the fog in his mind, his eyes fluttering open as he felt whoever it was straddle his lap and lean down close to Cas’ face.

“Hey there angel.” Dean said as he moved forward to kiss Cas, and even through the surprise, Cas was able to kiss back as well as he could, not having had much practice. His hands wandered up Dean’s legs to his waist, feeling the tight muscles stretched across Dean. He ran his hands up all the way to grip at Dean’s hair to try and drag him closer. Cas’ body undulated below Dean, allowing his cock to slide between Dean’s legs and both men moaned at the action. Dean sat back up, Cas wanting to follow before Dean placed his hand in the middle of Cas’ check to push him back down. Dean let his hand trail down Cas, his hand falling to their cocks as he tried to grip them both. Slippery precome made the grip loose and Dean fumbled to try and move their cocks together, the furl of the heads knocking against each other. The sensitive underside of Cas’ cock pressing against Dean’s cockhead had him practically keening against the bed, his hips thrusting erratically so it was difficult for Dean to get a hold of both of them.

Dean laid a hand over Cas, trying to keep him steady as they rocked against each other. Cas’ eyes were closed against the powerful sensations rocketing through his body until he heard Dean. “Cas open your eyes.” And even though his lids were heavy, he somehow managed to flutter them open, only to come exactly face to face with Dean. He would have tried to count the different shades of green in his eyes, or even the freckles that dotted his face if it hadn’t been for the glow coming from him. Cas stared at Dean in wonder and looked at this other man’s soul that was bared to him, something he hadn’t seen in so long and as Dean’s cock brushed against Cas’ one last time, Cas couldn’t stop the bolt of sensation that shot down his spine. Cas felt his cock jerk against Dean’s and felt hot, sticky cum fall against his stomach and he watched as Dean stiffened above him and felt his hips slide against his, feeling more cum fall onto himself.

Dean was somehow still holding himself up, but Cas could see his arms shaking with the effort. Cas felt Dean’s gasping breaths puff against his face as he looked back up at Dean, their hot breath mingling between as Dean smiled and said “God you’re beautiful. I love you angel” and Cas woke up with a gasp back into the world where he didn’t have his grace, Dean wasn’t above him, and he had very sticky boxers.

“Cas? He Cas, you alright? Ya kind of got lost in there.” Dean said in a voice that held some worry.

“Oh. Yes, Dean. I’m fine, I was just thinking.”

“Oh, okay. Do you, ah, want me to continue?”

“Yes, if you wouldn’t mind.” Cas replied in his calmest voice, trying to feign away from what he was thinking about.

This time, Dean barely touched him, and even when he did, Cas’ muscles would flinch and cause Dean to pull his hands back every time, something which Cas both appreciated and hated.

Dean tried his very best not to touch Cas directly, only letting his hands touch the bandage as he unwrapped it. This next part was going to be a bit more difficult. The bandage had stuck to the wound thanks to the extra blood that had come about after the wrap, and it had begun to bleed a bit more. Dean grabbed the small alcohol wipes that they had laying out, ready for cleaning. “This might sting a bit.” Dean said, practically a whisper between the two men. He pressed the small pad against Cas’ wounds where the worst of the bleeding was and he heard Cas suck in a quick breath and flinch away from the pain.

Dean hesitantly put his other hand on Cas’ shoulder and this time, Cas didn’t flinch away from him, instead moving into the comforting touch. Dean again pressed the pad against Cas’ skin, this time focusing on some of the smaller open wounds, his thumb rubbing small, comforting circles where Cas’ neck met his shoulder. It was slow work, but dean didn’t want to have Cas flinch away from him again, the little pang in his heart confusing, but he knew he didn’t want to keep feeling it.

Once Dean was done with that, he placed all the bloody alcohol swabs and the ruined gauze in the small trashcan before he was able to get a good look at the cuts through Cas’ skin. Dean had seen enough scars in his life to know that these were human nails clawing at his skin. Deeper at the base to spread and wing out from there, the tops spreading out along his shoulder blades, the skin along his spine the only parts untouched. Dean hadn’t been able to look the night before, the overriding need to care for Cas making his hands move fast and tight, eyes seeing but not observing.

They were angry red marks, deeper than they probably should be and the blood didn’t help to make it look any less painful. His hand moved almost on autopilot and those hands that had killed so many, almost lovingly rubbed at the cuts. He felt Cas’ back shiver under his fingers but he couldn’t feel it in himself to move his hands away. He hadn’t been paying too much attention to his surroundings, but he heard deep breathing and he couldn’t place whether it was him or Cas or even both of them. Dean’s eyes roamed over Cas’ back to the short tuffs of brown hair that seemed too long for the angel, making a note to get him a haircut, even if this hair was long enough to grab onto and _woah where did that come from_. Dean had told himself that he couldn’t have these thoughts around Cas, the thought that Cas might notice the effect that he had on Dean too much for the human to think about. Dean blinked a few times, trying to clear the fog out of his brain and looked to see his fingers moving back and forth on Cas’ lower back, the other man’s head hanging down in relaxation, his neck open and so long and pale and Dean wants to bite, lick, suck at that expanse of skin.

And Dean has to physically shake himself out of the haze in his mind. Cas turns around, those universal blue eyes looking concerned at Dean. That neck twisting and those shoulder blades twist and pull at the thin skin that Dean wants to mark up with bruises, bites, scrapes and to feel those muscles move and bend and stretch against him. Dean tried to clear his throat, but his mouth was dry and his cough sounded more of a wheeze than anything else. Trying to lick his lips, Dean’s eyes turned down to Cas’ throat and watch as he could see Cas visibly swallow before he spoke.

“Dean? Are you alright? Your face is very flushed and that is not the normal state for humans, I don’t believe.” And of course Cas would notice that. “Uh yeah, m’fine dude” Dean said distractedly, his eyes focused on Cas’ lips that looked a little swollen, possibly because he had been biting it and the overwhelming urge to be the one to bite his lip came over Dean and he had to visibly look away.

“Well, it looks like you’re all good to go Cas. Just take it easy on the dreams from now on, eh?” Dean couldn’t help but add a small hint of heat from how Cas treated him last time. Cas also flushed a little, his face also looking a little panicked, which made Dean wonder if he had missed something.  
Either way, Dean stretched as he stood up and yawned, looking towards the heart shaped clock by the bed to notice it was past midnight, and he knew by now that there was no way that Sam was coming back that night, which thank god, he did not need Sam saying anything about the honeymoon suite. Pulling off his shirt, Dean shucked it towards his bag and thought for a second before taking off his jeans as well and climbing under the covers.

Cas came out of the bathroom, having taken time to calm down, allowing his cock to soften again. As he came into the bedroom, he saw Dean pull down his jeans as his back muscles rippling as he threw the pair over to crunch against the wall and falling in a mess of fabric. As Dean settled into bed, Cas also unbuckled his belt to allow his own pants to fall to the floor in a cascade as he stepped out of them. Dean held up the blanket for Cas to crawl under before turning his back to him and flicking out the light rather quickly.

Cas turned over to look at where he assumed Dean’s shape was and whispered a quiet “Good night Dean” and as Cas slowly fell asleep he could have sworn he heard Dean say “Good night angel”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuation will come soon. Please be patient!


	10. A Small Respite

That night was blissfully dreamless for Cas and he woke up with something tickling his face. He snuffled into it, trying to remove it without moving from his very comfy spot. It hardly moved and Cas nuzzled down into it, hoping that was all he needed to do. Whatever was nestled on him pressed further in, tickling his entire face and Cas blinked through the light in the room, trying to focus on what was laying against him. Dean’s back was pressed into Cas’ front, his head right by where Cas had been laying, and Dean moved back into the other man, his brow furrowing at not finding the solid length against him anymore. Dean’s brow furrowed and Cas allowed his fingers to trace over Dean’s face and smoothing out the small wrinkles and allowing him to relax back into the warm sheets. Cas took the allowed time to look at Dean, seeing him relaxed in a way that Cas had never seen before.

The other man’s mouth was open, slight huffs of breath coming through and brushing the sprinkling of hair on his arm that was resting by his head. Dean’s hair crunched down in some spots, sticking up in others, and it looked almost innocent. Cas’ eyes roamed across Dean’s face, the ever present wrinkles actually gone for once and Cas couldn’t hold back the smile from his face as he thought of how nice Dean looked this way, relaxed and calm.

With that happiness resonating through Cas, he settled back into the sheets, nose pressed into the back of the other man’s neck, lips brushing against the soft skin. Cas felt a shiver echo down Dean’s back, the tremors enough to make Cas press closer, knowing that it wasn’t something that normally happened. His lips pressed against Dean again, his tongue flicking out only slightly, enough to get a taste of the other man. Dean tasted almost exactly like he should, leather, sweat, and only the slightest hint of the body wash that he used. That combined with the slightly sweet smell of Dean himself had Cas hardening in his boxers. He tried to pull away from the other man, but he felt Dean reach behind him to grab onto Cas’ waist to hold him close.

“Cas.” Dean breathed out, trying to press back into the other man. Dean pulled away enough to be able to turn around and look into Cas’ blue eyes, practically pulling him in. Inches separated them when there was a knock on the door and Sam yelling at Dean to let him in. Dean let his forehead fall to rest on Cas’, letting a small huff of breath out at Sam’s antics and of course his timing.

“Yeah, yeah we’re coming!” Dean yelled in the direction of the door, making no other move to get up.

“Dean, maybe we should let Sam in. He seems to be in a bit of a hurry about something.” Cas breathed into the space between them as Sam began to frantically knock again.

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean sighed, getting up to throw on his pants, Cas doing the same before they let Sam in. “Wow dude, you’re up early.” Dean said to Sam, letting his annoyance shine through.

“Well someone else woke up on the wrong side of the bed it would seem” Sam said as he shuffled inside, making a quick glance toward the red bed in the middle of the pink room. He began chuckling, trying to hide it behind a coughing fit. “So what, you guys get married while I was gone and Cas didn’t even ask for my blessing?”

“Why would I need to ask your blessing Sam? You are no angel that could give it to me.” At this, Sam broke into a fit of laughter, Dean blushing and Cas looking confused and feeling embarrassed at being the brunt of the joke, which got Dean’s attention.

“Alright alright Sam, that’s enough. Now you seemed pretty eager to get in here. Any reason for that?” Dean asked, looking towards Cas and his very thankful eyes.

“Oh um, I just wanted to get going. Apparently Sophie thinks she’s in love and I just wanted to get going and fast.” The panicked look on Sam’s face, along with the fact that he looked out the window made Dean giggle at his misfortune.

“Alright stud, go find someplace for breakfast and give us some time for our showers.”

Sam grabbed the keys to the Impala and headed to the door. “Sure you two don’t want to take time for a romantic bubble bath together?” Sam laughed as he quickly closed the door before Dean could throw anything at him.

Dean chuckled and mumbled a quiet “bastard” under his breath, a fond look on his face as he looked at Cas, who had a confused look on his face. “Dean, what’s a bubble bath?” Dean couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ll have to show you another time Cas. Promise ya that.” With that, Dean began to take off his shirt and rummage around in his bag for the body wash and shampoo, trying to calculate if he would have enough time to rub one out in the shower or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more and soon! I have the next part written out, just need to type it in and make any corrections!
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	11. A Quiet Moment

Figuring that Cas wouldn’t mind the extra bit of waiting time, Dean proceeded to the bathroom, placing his supplies in the shower and shedding the rest of his clothes to leave on the bathroom floor. Setting the water on, he allowed it to run for a little bit, trying to have it warm up as much as it could before gingerly stepping into the less than optimal temperature, more used to the steamy hot temperature of the bunker. He let the water rush over him, letting it soothe away any tension he might have had. He let his hands trail over his body, fingertips brushing over a nipple, a small shock going down his body and straight to his half hard dick, the small rivulets of water helping to stimulate him.

Closing his eyes, his mind provided a figure in front of him, dark brown hair dangling in their face, the figure gingerly pressing a hand against Dean’s stomach. Dean looked into the blue eyes in front of him and leaned in to kiss the other person. Pressing close, Dean wrapped his arms around their waist, while Cas wrapped his hands up in Dean’s wet hair. He heard Cas gasp as their cocks brushed against each other, hips moving slowly into one another and testing out the feeling as Dean laughed into Cas’ mouth at the sensation.

Dipping his hand down, Dean allowed his fingers to trail across Cas’ skin while the other man gripped at his hair to pull him impossibly closer. Dean’s mouth trailed down Cas’ jaw while the other man angled his neck to allow more room for Dean to work.

Dean moved down Cas’ neck, the other man’s hands going to the hunters shoulders, gripping as well as he could on the slick skin. Dean felt Cas move his hands down the hunters chest, fingers pressing into Dean’s skin, trying to memorize the planes of Dean’s body. Before Dean knew it, Cas’ hand was wrapping around Dean’s hard cock, fingers sliding over the wet flesh, feeling silk slide over steel as he moved his hand up and down. Dean gasped into the steam surrounding them and laid his forehead onto Cas’ shoulder and felt as Cas moved his hand along Dean’s cock, twisting up and catching his thumb along the crown of Dean’s cock, knowing exactly how to get him off fastest.

“Cas” Dean breathed out among the warm air and felt Cas lean into him, pressing his body close as the water fell down around them. The other man’s fist sped up, the warm water helping keep friction down. Dean’s orgasm approached fast, his breathing speeding up and his words failing him, the only thing he could say was Cas’ name and hints of _fuck_ and _holy hell_. Dean closed his eyes, feeling the wonderful sensation shoot down his spine as his orgasm overcame him.

As he was catching his breath, he laid a hand against the shower wall to support him, and his shuddering gasps in the silence of the bathroom seemed overwhelming. Dean looked down at his hand, sticky with cum, and as he ran it under the water, he had never felt more alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could give longer chapters, but it takes forever for me to edit everything as I type it in! But maybe tomorrow, I'll have another chapter up for you guys!


	12. A Small Respite Part 2

Dean turned the water off and stepped out of the tub, wrapping the towel around his waist to catch the errant drops of water before he walked out into the bedroom. “Alright Cas, showers open for ya.” Dean said as he rummaged through his duffel for a new pair of underwear and some clean clothes. He heard the door click shut behind him and he allowed himself a moment before he dropped the towel to the ground, bending over to get his underwear on when he heard the bathroom door open again.

“Dean, may I…” he heard Cas’ voice cut off and Dean pulled his boxer briefs up quicker, feeling far too open after his time in the shower.

“Yeah Cas, what do you need?” Dean asked with a slight twinge of annoyance in his voice.

“I’m sorry Dean, I just wanted to know if I could use your shower products. I may have forgotten mine at home.” Cas averted his eyes, a blush forming on his cheeks, probably due to his embarrassment at forgetting some necessary items or at catching Dean with his pants down. Whichever one it was, Dean couldn’t tell but a small bit of tension drained from him. “Yeah Cas. You can use some.”

Cas sighed and Dean could see some of his own tension release from his shoulders as Dean handed over the shampoo and body wash. As Cas met his eyes with a small “Thank you”, Dean felt that loneliness leave and he responded with a tiny smile that got Cas to smile right back.

As he shut the door, Cas leaned back against it and let out a heavy sigh as he looked down at himself, seeing his cock pressing tight against his jeans, the pressure almost too much to bear. Cas unbuttoned his jeans, and sighed as he pushed them down and released his cock from the confines of the jeans. His boxers, however, were pulled away from his stomach by his cock and the band was hurting against his cock head.

He pulled off his clothes, his cock standing proud from a small nest of hair, and he tried to ignore it as he walked over to the shower, but with each step, his cock bobbed and made itself well known. The shower floor was slick as he stepped in, drawing the curtain before starting the water and almost falling over as he jumped away from the cold, knocking the bottle of shampoo off of the edge of the tub.

The noise caught Dean’s attention and he stopped part way through cleaning up the room to run into the bathroom, only to see a wet and naked Cas laying in the tub, spluttering as the still cold water rained down upon him.

“Cas man, are you alright!” Dean asked, turning off the water while trying to keep his laughing at bay.

“The water was cold. It’s never cold back home.” Cas said, sounding put off as he tried to cover himself with a towel. Dean couldn’t stop his laughing any more, bending over with the force of it.

“Welcome to motels Cas.” Dean got out through his gasping breaths in between his laughing fit.

“Well thank you for your concern but if you’re quite done now, I would like to take a shower, Dean” Cas said, feeling embarrassed and angry at Dean for laughing at him. Dean calmed his laughing a little until he saw Cas making a classic pouty face and Dean lost it all over again, leaning over to support himself on the wall as he clutched at his stomach.

Cas turned around, trying to hide his pain from Dean as he laughed at him, turning the water on to let it warm. Dean looked up, his wracking laughter dissipating quickly as he looked at the scars on Cas’ back, the long marks still red, but healing like they normally should, rippling as Cas moved. Dean’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes followed the line of the other man’s back, settling on the small tantalizing bit of skin that was making Dean flush. And to make it worse, Cas dropped the towel at that moment and Dean barely held back the small whimper and watched as Cas moved into the shower and pulled the curtain between the two men. Dean almost moved towards the shower, but aborted the mission and moved dazedly back out to the larger room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as Cas heard the door click shut, he sighed and relaxed into the heat of the water. There had been a moment there where Cas had thought Dean might stop him and oh how he would have loved it. When Dean had come out of the bathroom, all glistening and his hair dripping, Cas had to restrain himself from doing anything they might regret. And then, Cas had made the mistake of opening that door and standing right there had been Dean in all his glory. The memory alone had Cas’ cock twitching, reminding him of his need and Cas took ahold of his cock, hissing at the sensation. The water falling on him felt like a thousand tiny kisses, each one marking his skin with searing heat.

He turned around, letting the heat fall along his back, shivering at the quick change in temperature. Cas closed his eyes and the multitude of sensations colored in his mind, and he could practically feel Dean pressing close behind him. Cas moaned at the sensation as Dean kissed at his shoulders as his hands circled around Cas’ waist, one hand trailing up onto Cas’ chest, finger tips rubbing over Cas’ nipple, making him gasp and his hips buck into nothingness. Cas whines, trying to get himself in hand before Dean’s came around and gripped Cas’ cock, giving him a long drag of his calloused hand even as Dean pressed tighter against him, the heavy weight of Dean’s cock laying against the small of his back. Cas pressed his ass back towards Dean, the motion causing his cock to slide through Dean’s hand.

The other man’s hand gripped at the base of Cas’ cock, his pinkie finger circling under Cas’ balls and pulling them forward until Cas cried out. Cas’ balls fell back into place before Dean’s hand brutally jerked off Cas, his hand twisting every so often before pulling to the very base, Dean’s other hand coming up and paying special attention to the head. The first blow came when Dean pressed his fingernail into the slit on the head of his cock. Cas came with more soft kisses on his shoulders and his own hand stroking him through the aftershocks, all by himself.

By the time both men were dressed, Sam was back and munching on his veggie omelet while Dean tore into his breakfast burrito. Cas sat there, quietly chewing on his pancakes that Sam had kindly gotten them all.  
When Sam was done, he got up quickly and grabbed Dean and Cas’ bags, not even waiting for allowance to take them out to the Impala. Dean shooko his head at Sam’s antics, smiling as he took his last bite of his breakfast. Cas turned away from his last bite of pancake in favor of getting up and going to the Impala to help Sam pack everything up. By the time Cas had made it out to the car, Sam was closing the trunk and getting ready to get into the Impala before turning around and yelling “Dean! Get your ass out here and let’s go!”  
Cas opened the back door, scooting into the middle of the seat when Dean came down only a little later, hopping into the front seat of the Impala. 

Flicking the ignition on, the radio blared to life, _Heat of the Moment_ echoing throughout the car before Sam quickly flicked the tuner, looking at the radio before quickly looking around them.

“Well, I, uh, I don’t really like _Asia_ either.” Dean said, glancing back at Cas, apologizing for Sam’s antics. 

“Alright, so set the course to Ohio.” Dean said as he pulled toward the exit of the motel. It was only the last glance back that he saw the little girl in her fluffy pink tutu. A twinge in his chest had him gripping the steering wheel just a little bit tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this out a little earlier than I had planned, but I really must apologize because this is the last little bit that I already had written out! I'll start writing as soon as I can! Hang in there and I'll update when I can!


	13. Dinner and A Case?

The miles went fast, all blurring together into one big plane of nothing. Or, at least it was for Dean. Sam was a shuffling mess who kept looking at the two other men in the car, sensing the tension between the two ever since he had walked into their motel room. However, Cas quickly found out that cars suck. Each mile seemed to stretch into a thousand, and it seemed there was nothing he could do to ease the perpetual headache he would get when trying to concentrate on reading anything.

 _My wings would make this much faster_ Cas thought, immediately blanching at the thought as he set his forehead against the window, trying to freeze away the thought. By the time they made it to Ohio, everyone seemed to be in a mood that couldn’t be broken.

__________________________

As they passed over from Indiana, it was clear that they had made it to their destination. A university lay just on the other side of those state lines, and kids were bustling across the street to make it to their classes on time. Dean stared at the bars that littered the downtown area, and made a passing glance over the highbrow students of the college. Sam was nose deep in the map, making sure he had the right street and where they needed to go to get to a motel for the few days they may be there. Cas was pretending to be asleep, the bright lights from the outside world making it difficult to stay upright and not have the urge to throw up in Dean’s car.

As the boys pulled up outside of the information center, Dean yelled out to Sam “We’re gonna see what we can find to eat. We'll find ya when we're done” before peeling out and back onto the road, Cas’ head bumping against the window before he made a grumbling noise. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll be out of the car soon enough, grumpy.” The man in the backseat lightly kicked the back of Dean’s seat, making Dean smile at the others antics, all while knowing that long car rides weren’t the best when you were feeling good, let alone as sick as Cas looked.

They pulled up in front of a tiny little bar, looking a little sketch, but exactly what Dean was used to in a college town. Cas pulled himself out of the car and steadied himself against the side of it, looking angry at the sun for shining and the loud college students. Dean led them through the double doors, the restaurant called Skippers looking very much the dive bar that it proclaimed from the outside, with the inside not being much cleaner than the street. Looking over the menu that looked like it had been there since the 80’s, Dean decided upon the double bacon cheeseburger with waffle fries for himself, while he found that they had soup and ordered that for Cas, hoping it would help his stomach. Ordering a sprite for Cas as well, he brought the drink to the table Cas had picked out in the corner, and went to go get a beer for himself.

Their food was done rather quickly, his burger a juicy mess across the plate while Cas’ soup looked nice and clean and steamy hot. The silence was heavy even without conversation, Cas’ bad mood threatening to take over if Dean so much as uttered a word. When a few rowdy college students entered the restaurant, Dean quickly looked at his friend, only to see a glare that would strike a man dead on his friends face. Dean laughed as quietly as he could while he was eating, while trying to hide it from his moody partner and the glare that was sure to follow if he heard. The student’s conversation covered up any noise that Dean could have made so at least he was safe for a little bit. They finished their food at about the same time, neither ready to get back into the Impala just yet, but it was pretty obvious that Cas wanted to get away from the level of noise that Skipper’s provided.

They walked around the town of Oxford, the main street providing little in the way of entertaining, but it was nice to be able to stretch their legs out rather than stuff themselves back into the Impala. Students walked the streets with large backpacks, midday allowing for the small amount of people out on the street. The two men were quiet as they made their way through the shops, neither really caring what they were doing; only wanting to put off the inevitable of having to drive again. When they had made their way the entirety of the street, they had to struggle to get back into the Impala, Cas practically going sheet-white at the thought of driving more, even if his stomach had settled after his soup and Sprite.

“Cas, it’ll be fine, dude. We’re just gonna go see what Sam found out about this place and then we have to find a motel and we’ll be good for the day. We don’t have much driving to do. We’ll be perfectly fine, okay dude?” Dean asked as soothingly as he could, knowing that any sort of childish talk could potentially set the man off again.  
“So long as that is all the driving that is needed for today Dean, I should be okay.” Cas says, admitting defeat and getting into the passenger seat.

__________________________

Turns out Sam had found a few ghost stories about the University which included missing people, ghosts, and even a potential murder. These were all around the campus, but the one that was causing the most recent headlines were the recent disappearances of students from their dorms.

“Alright Sammy, tell us what you found out about this place.” Dean asked as he settled into the student centers comfy armchairs. Sam shot him an exasperated glance and looked over the computer’s screen.

“First off, it’s Sam. Second, apparently in 1953, there was this guy, Ronald Tammen, who went missing in this place called Fisher Hall? Apparently no one has seen the guy since.”

“Okay, so what’s the big deal? People go missing all the time. This isn’t anything different.” Dean asked, his face clearly showing his annoyance.

“Well, not everyone has a roommate to come back to the dorm and find his textbook lying open and all the lights on, Dean.” Sam replied, his own annoyance creeping into his voice. “Besides, he’s never been found and no one knows what happened to him. However, there are sightings of his ghost that have been seen, so that could be why we have all these missing students.”

“Well okay. You’ve convinced me Sam. So where do we find this hall?” Dean asked, his hands clapping together in slight excitement at a case.

“Hmm,” Sam sighed as he continued to scroll through the computers screen. “Looks like it was torn down a while ago, but there was another dorm built close by that seems to get a lot of the activity. It’s called Wilson Hall and it looks like it’s got its own demented past. It used to be a sanitarium and a tuberculosis ward back in the day. It may not be this Tammen guy, but he’s looking like he’s a little bit restless, wouldn’t you say?” Sam looked expectantly between Dean and Cas.

Dean sighed and looked at Cas, who actually looked a little hopeful at having a case. “What do you think Cas? Is this looking like a case?”

“From what you’ve said Sam, I believe that we might have something here. I only wish I could help you find out more information about what could be doing this.” Cas looked sadly at his locked hands, rubbing his thumbs together nervously.

“There we go. Cas say’s we got a case, then I think we got a case.” Dean said happily, clapping his hands on his knees in preparation to move. “Might as well get settled in for the night and get started on this tomorrow. It’s getting a little too late I think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this has taken me so long to get out. I just finished up my semester at college and I'm on break now, so hopefully I'll have a little bit more time to write! Also, sorry again that this is so short. I really just needed to get something out! Thanks for reading :)
> 
> Visit me at [my Tumblr!!](http://www.destielismylove.tumblr.com)


	14. Thank you Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Sam and Cas settle in for the night at a motel.

“Sammy, go on and get us a few rooms why don’t you?” Dean asked Sam even as he walked to the trunk of the car to grab the bags. Cas followed Dean around to the back, looking at Sam and shrugging his head at the other man, who looked between the both of them.

“Yeah. Whatever Dean.” Sam replied even as he began walking towards the motel’s lobby-like area.

“Thanks man.” Dean yelled as he pulled the bags out of the trunk, handing Cas’ bag to him so that Dean could carry Sam’s and his own. “Hopefully Sam will get two rooms and then we can just get ours together. That cool with you?”

“Yes Dean, I believe that will be good with me.” Cas said without much inflection in his voice, but by the way that his shoulders slumped, Dean could tell that he was relieved.

When they saw Sam come out of the room, they walked towards him, hauling all the bags towards them. Sam held up two keys and said “So two rooms, one king bed for Cas, and queen beds for us Dean.” Sam said with a slight inflection in his voice that Dean couldn't quite place.

“Uh, ya know Sammy, this being Cas’ first time staying in an unknown place, I thought that I would room with him. Just give him something normal so that he can maybe be comfortable enough to sleep. You know the dude needs it.” Dean tried to reply nonchalantly as he grabbed a key card from Sam’s hands, hoping that it ended up being the twin beds so that Sam wouldn't question anything.

They got to the rooms that they were given and when Dena unlocked the door, he found only a king bed in the middle of a poorly decorated room. “So, which one of you is sleeping on the couch?” Sam asked with a slight smirk, knowing that it would quickly embarrass Dean.

“Neither of us will sleep on the couch. Give me your key. You can have a bed big enough for your Sasquatch sized ass this time around.” Dean said, hiding the slight blush from Sam. Sam’s laugh came as Dean threw Sam’s duffle at him, as Dean quickly ran into the other room, throwing his own bag onto the bed closest to the door.

Cas followed Dean into the room and placed his own bag on the other bed as well and sat down, feeling slightly awkward and not knowing what to do with himself.

“Well big boy, let’s check your wounds and get both of us in bed. It’s been a long day and we both deserve a good night’s sleep.” Dean said, grabbing the health kit out of the bag and taking it into the bathroom, leaving Cas to follow on his own. Cas first took off his coat, thinking that there wouldn’t be anywhere to leave it that wouldn’t have it get in the way. Then his shirt and the wrapping underneath to lessen Dean’s burden, the stretching causing twinges in his back and pulling at the scars. With a wince, he walked into the bathroom, slightly surprising himself when he saw that Dean had also removed his layers to reveal his chest.

“Alright. Assume the position man.” Dean said, trying to keep his eyes on his supplies and not on the smooth skin of the other male. However, he should have known that it wouldn't be that sight that would make him breathless, but the sight that he saw along Cas’ back and shoulder blades. While there were a few parts that were healing nicely, there were still parts that were scabbed and even bleeding and those tiny pinpricks of red blood made Dean’s heart swell with feeling and he couldn't help but press his fingers against those points. When he noticed that Cas shivered at the touch, he withdrew his hand and coughed as he quickly searched through his kit for the ointment. He hadn't entirely realized how much seeing those lines etched into Cas’ skin hurt Dean. Didn't know how even something so tiny could cause so much pain to these two people. But he knew he needed to try and make them better.

“Well good news is: they’re healing really well so far so we should be able to switch to the tiny band aid pads rather than the larger wrap. Bad news is that you’ll still have to wear those for a little while.” Dean said as he pulled the pads from his kit after getting the ointment prepared.

“That is certainly good news. Thank you Dean.” Cas said with all the sincerity he could muster with Dean’s touch still lingering on his skin. It felt cooler than the rest of him which seemed to be burning up with everything else.

Everything was over rather quickly, the time going by faster each time as the necessary remedies lessened each time. However, when Dean was done with his ministrations, they both stayed where they were pretending that there was more that needed to be done. Dean coughed and that seemed to break the connection between the two men who proceeded to move around the motel room preparing for bed. When Dean crawled under his own blankets and pulled them tight around himself, Cas went to the other bed and did the same. However, the truth was that he hadn’t felt so alone since he hurt himself. But knowing Dean, Cas wouldn’t be able to be closer to Dean. Their moment in the bathroom being the last time for the night that they would be able share anything like that.

“Cas, what do you think you’re doing?” Dean’s sleepy voice said from the other bed, and Cas stiffened in fear of what he had done wrong. “Get on over here. You’re stretched tight as a rubber band and we both need some good sleep tonight.”

The relief that Cas felt was like nothing that he could ever remember feeling. He quickly left his bed and jumped under the covers with Dean, making sure to keep his own space from the other man. When Cas felt a hand circle over his stomach, he flinched and he felt Dean’s fingers rub back and forth over his middle, calming him much easier than Cas would believe.

“Hey, turn your body, I don’t have enough room here.” Dean said, his body already sliding onto his side and maneuvering Cas’ body to fit his. When they were settled, they were laying with Cas’ back to Dean’s front. Dean’s head settled at the back of Cas’ neck, his nose nuzzling at the small hairs there and Cas couldn’t help but nestle farther back into Dean.

When Cas felt Dean’s lips brush against his skin, Cas interlaced his fingers with Dean’s against his stomach saying “Thank you Dean.”

Dean’s sleepy reply came slowly “For what?”

“For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been so long!! I swear I'm not abandoning this, I just have school happening and it's difficult to keep up sometimes.
> 
> Remember to follow me at [my tumblr Destielismylove](http://www.destielismylove.tumblr.com)


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